So you’ve been dating for a while now and you suspect that you might not be the only one. She tells you that you have nothing to worry about with her ex but nonetheless, you still have your doubts and would like to get the bottom of the situation.
If that’s the case for you, you’ve come to the right place for answers as we are going to take a look at a couple of red flags to watch for.
But first, let’s start off with what could be pushing your girlfriend to cheat. Take a look:
Why Women Cheat on Their Partners:
Well, it could be down to a plethora of issues the most common of which include the following:
1) She Feels Neglected
When is the last time the two of you went out together or is life nowadays ricocheting between school and/or work leaving little space for that all-important quality time? Well, a number of women cheat simply because they crave attention.
The kind of attention they feel they aren’t getting from you hence have to look elsewhere with elsewhere being the shoulders of her ex.
2) She Wants Revenge
While two wrongs certainly don’t make a right, it could be down to your past mistakes actually. If you cheated on your girlfriend at one point in your relationship, she might feel entitled to a “free pass” at an affair. She might even cheat on you simply because she suspects you are doing the same to her.
Other times revenge affairs could also be down to fights or misunderstandings where she perceives to be unduly wronged and sees cheating as a means of payback.
There are certainly no excuses for cheating but maybe it could be that she just had one too many. Maybe she went out with her friends the other night, got to binge drinking and some over-the-top partying. One thing led to another and alas she woke up in her ex’s bed.
4) One for the road
Cheating, particularly with an ex, can also be down a case of “one for the good old times”. Maybe she just misses certain aspects of her past relationship and sleeping with her ex is like taking a stroll through a photo album of the past. Though she knows its wrong, she does it anyway in an attempt to find “closure”.
5) Misleading friends
Peer pressure can be a big influencing factor for bad behavior including cheating. If your girlfriend hangs around too often with women who have no problem juggling relationships, it’s highly likely that she could be learning from example.
She might not be a bird of the same feather, but if she sticks around ill-advising friends for too long, she’ll probably see nothing wrong in rekindling past sparks even while still in a relationship.
Long distance can also take its toll on a relationship and if yours is of such a nature, sexual frustrations and the absence of self-control may be leading her to the arms of a nearby ex. Long distance barriers can also create a communication or emotional void which your girlfriend possibly believes her ex to be the answer to.
How to Tell if She is Cheating:
Like a storm on the horizon, there are a couple of red flags to watch out for such as:
1) Frequent chatting with her ex
Women rarely go back from whence they came so if your girlfriend has gotten awfully chatty with her one-time bae, chances are there could be more going on than meets the eye.
So if she is spending lots of talk time on her ex with back and forth texting for days, you have something to worry about despite what she says. If she generally spends more time on her phone than she does on you, you should be alarmed.
2) Being secretive about her messages or her phone
While communication between your girlfriend and her ex can hardly be described as platonic, sometimes that might just be the case although very rare. If they are coworkers, for instance, they could simply be working together on a project or just taking care of shared business.
That’s all well and good however the problem comes in when she starts being secretive about it. Does she take phone calls from her ex in the bathroom or somewhere out of reach and there is a sudden passcode on her phone? If so, it might be time to confront her.
3) Dwindling sex life
You couldn’t get enough of each other but now she’s had enough of you? Constant refusal to intimacy is a big warning sign, perhaps even the biggest of them all.
If it was all fiery and steamy in the bedroom and suddenly your sex life has gotten colder than a penguin in an Alaskan winter, your relationship could be on the rocks. While it doesn’t outrightly imply that she is guilty, eight out of ten times it does.
4) She lies about her whereabouts
If your girlfriend is not truthful about meeting up with her ex, it’s time to start sweating. If you know for sure you saw them together recently and she lies about it straight to your face, she is hiding something. If she thought nothing of it, she wouldn’t lie about catching up with an old flame even if the meeting was purely by chance.
5) She gets overly excited when she bumps into her ex
Does your girlfriend get too excited when talking about her ex? Does she sheepishly rumble on whenever you bump into him and you occasionally catch her smiling to herself afterwards? If so, she might still have some feelings for him, ones which she may be acting on.
6) Constant comparisons with her ex
No, you’re doing it wrong, Dave used to do it this way. If such a statement is ever in the present tense, be very careful! Regular comparisons with an ex might be indicative that they are not only meeting behind your back but also that she is mentally evaluating who is the better choice. Sooner or later, you might be shown the door!
How to Catch Her Cheating
If the signs prove too strong to be waved aside as nothing, do the following to find out once and for all:
1) Change your routine
If you think she’s messing around with her ex while you are at work, make an impromptu visit during the day at a time when least suspects it, say about two hours after you leave for work.
Make up a reason for that so that if things don’t pan out as you suspected, it’ll seem like you only stopped by for that bunch of forgotten documents and your cover will still be intact. If you come home to an empty house and you ask if she is at home and she says she is, that’s also one of the tell-tale signs.
2) Take note of that passcode
Her phone can hold heaps of information to substantiate your doubts but don’t be too straightforward about it or else you’ll seem like a jerk if you find nothing out of the ordinary. If she has a passcode or screen lock in place, take note of that pattern until you master it and you can go through it when she’s gone to the bathroom.
Don’t let her know you’d like to check her phone, in fact, act like it’s the last thing on your mind. Do it out of the blues so that you can catch her with her guard down if there truly is something fishy going on.
3) Channel your inner sleuth or get a PI
While it shouldn’t get to the point of following her around, it is an effective last resort technique. If all else fails, this certainly won’t as she if she does have an affair going on, she’ll eventually slip up and you can catch her with her hand in the cookie jar. Better yet, let an experienced private investigator who is least likely to be discovered do the hard work for you.
4) Just ask her
Sometimes it’s just as simple as that. Of course, she may deny it if you straight away ask if she’s cheating on you so you need to progressively unearth discontent kind of like disentangling a ball of thread. Work your way to the big question by asking questions regarding if she is unhappy and why that is so if she is.
Maybe also ask what she dislikes about you and tell her to be extremely honest with her answers and that you won’t be mad about anything she says. Do whatever it takes to tear down her defenses and the truth will come out.
If you do eventually prove that she is cheating on your with her ex, jump ship as soon as you can. You might choose to forgive her- that’s solely your decision to make- but never stay in an unfaithful relationship.
Keep in mind that if she cheated on you once, what’s to stop her from doing it again? She might not be the “one” but in a world of seven billion people, there’s plenty of fish in the ocean so don’t settle for second place in someone else’s life.