by David Nyash
If you have been pondering with the question: “how to dump my girlfriend,” be assured that breaking up with your girlfriend will be tough. However, staying in a relationship that you are not comfortable it will be tougher.
That being said, ending your relationship with your girlfriend without causing a major stir is the best way to go about it. Of course, she will feel bad for having someone that she invested in cleaved out of her life but she will come around, eventually – if you know how to break up, that is.
Why you should break up amicably
If you sever ties with her the right way, she will get along with you after the fact and respect you for being considerate. She might even become a friend!
Another advantage of ending the relationship amicably is that it keeps the door open to the prospect of getting back together with her if you ever feel like doing it in the future.
Breaking up with a girl in a manner that preserves your friendship is also good for convenience. Here are scenarios when it would be in your best interests to do it this way:
• If you will continue to bump into each other because you live in the same estate or building and don’t want to move.
• If you have the same group of friends and don’t want to make social interactions awkward for everyone when you are both around
• If you work together
• If she is well connected (professionally or socially) and you can use her network
• If you do business with each other
There are many other reasons why it makes sense to part in good terms and these are just a few examples.
If the convenience of a friendship with her is not motivation enough to break up amicably with her, think of a worst case scenario. A case where a nasty break up turns her into a vengeful machine who actively tries to ruin your life by assaulting you and throwing you under the bus socially.
Characteristics of a Good breakup
You can predict fairly accurately how the breakup will pan out if you do it a certain way. Generally, a breakup should have the following elements:• It has good timing and doesn’t come across as inconsiderate or insensitive.
• Protects her ego; Women (or human beings in general) have a reputation to protect and it is more important to them than you think. Therefore, if your breakup is messy, she is probably going to drag your name in the mud to protect her reputation.
• Makes her feel respected. She will appreciate not having her time wasted by someone who wasn’t so enthusiastic about being in a relationship with her.
A simple rule of thumb to follow is to ask yourself how you would want someone else to break up with you. For example, if the roles were reversed, would you be okay with her just ghosting you and assuming that you will take a hint and move on? Of course, you wouldn’t. If something feels harsh if you visualize it being done to you, don’t do it.
Now let’s get into the actual steps you should follow when initiating a break up:
Step 1. Find an appropriate time and location
There is a right time to inform someone that you are ending the relationship. The timing should be considerate of a few things: • Don’t do it when she is sad about something else going on in her life.
• Avoid informing her when she is about to be involved in something that is mentally involving like high-stakes meetings, exams, etc.
• Avoid breaking up when she is having a happy personal moment like a birthday or an anniversary.
Fridays are solid because she will have the weekend to deal with her feelings. As for the location, find somewhere quiet and private. If you are not near her, talk to her via Skype.
Step 2. Be very blunt from the off
Sit her down and tell her that you want to sever the relationship. Do not delay and start talking about other things. Let her know what this meeting is all about. Talk candidly about how you feel, how you view the relationship from your standpoint, and why you want to end it. Don’t beat around the bush with this. So, no small talk.
Step 3. Give her your genuine reasons
Speak the truth about how you are feeling about the relationship. It will feel more natural to her and she will have an easier time coming to terms with your decision. Even as you speak your mind, remember to say it so that it sounds like it would be in her best interests to break up with you.
For example, if you want to end the relationship because you want to see other women, let her know that it would be much better for her if you come clean now rather than see other people behind her back and cause her even more hurt if she discovers.
Make it clear that she is not suddenly “not good enough for you” but that your priorities changed. You should avoid communicating that you are looking to replace her. Show her that you are now bad for her (sanity) and continuing with this relationship will be wasting her time when she can be having a better one.
Say that you are unfit for a relationship and that she deserves all the happiness in the world. For example, you can tell her “would you want to be in a relationship with someone who is not in it fully? I don’t think so, you deserve the best but I am not able to be that for you now”
Be creative with this and remember that the intention is to protect her ego – even for those girls who appear submissive, they have an ego to maintain, just that it is well-hidden.
Step 4. Take the blame if you have to
You don’t have to do this if the explanations alone are enough. Use this as a last resort if she gets defensive and starts making it a debate. Accept your responsibility in the ending of the relationship because you also played a part in it. Do not try to justify the actions you took during the course of the relationship. This is not the time to justify because if it has come to breaking up, the damage is definitely irreparable.
Step 5. Give her Assurances
Now let her know that you will still be nice to her and assure her that if she ever needs something (non-dating related that only you can help her with) she can always count on you. Also, let her know that she is a decent person and that she will find love again easily and quickly with someone who will give her a relationship she deserves. You can go in for a hug if you realize that she is having a hard time processing. Just keep it reasonably short.
Step 6. Give her space
Sever all contact with her for a while. Stop texting, calling, emailing, or socializing. If you live together, move out. This way, you won’t give her false hopes that you are considering getting back with her – that you have changed your mind about the relationship. It also gives her the opportunity to think and act rationally about your decision.
Things NOT to do when breaking up with your girlfriend
1. Do not break up over text, it is cowardly and downright disrespectful2. Do not turn it into a shouting match. Keep calm and she will follow your lead.
3. Do not dwell on the bad aspects of the relationship because she will get defensive.
4. Do not share the details of your split with friends, especially mutual friends. A simple “we ended things” should suffice if they ask. If they probe you, refuse to make it a discussion. Also no badmouthing, no name-calling, and no blaming.
5. Don’t instantly start dating once it is over and if you have someone else you are already dating, keep it discreet. Give her a couple of weeks before she sees you being happy (mostly on social media) with someone so that she doesn’t conclude that “He couldn’t wait to stop being with me to start having a better person in his life.” Those happy photos and videos can wait if you really care about not having her hate you.
Exceptions
The well-thought-out breakup is reserved for girlfriends who have been good to you and haven’t done anything wrong. If she has been a bad person to you (manipulating, abusing, disrespecting, or cheating on you), end things swiftly by giving her the reason you are doing it and end it at that.
That is the best kind of breakup she can hope for. She can still become your friend later on if she changes her behavior and realizes that she was mistreating you, but the chances of that happening are slim.
Conclusion
Always strive to do end your relationships in a way that doesn’t cause too much damage emotionally to the girl. Think of it as conducting a controlled explosion in which nobody suffers avoidable damage. Sure, she will feel sad for losing you, but don’t give her reason to hate your guts and want to ruin your life. A bit of empathy will help you be considerate of her emotions.
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