by Austine Sila
I’m just bored with her, do we break up? If you are bored with her, then you are boring. Yes! We’ve been there. It’s normal for boredom to strike in your relationship once in a while. Strive to beat it in your relationship if you ever dream of honeymoon.
Honeymoon is the climax of relationships and thus, the dream of any relating being. Which begs the question: does honey taste any different during the honeymoon? You need to get a couple to answer that – and whether they live anywhere near the moon after their honeymoon.
That may be an exercise in futility because I know all you need is to get there and go to the chemistry laboratory for the practical. If that’s the case with you, then ensure that boredom does not block your journey to the moon.
If you can’t beat boredom in your relationship, can you wrestle with it in your marriage? After the honeymoon phase, monotony draws closer than before. In marriage, it strikes a little bit harder. You know boredom is like a nightmare, it comes when it’s least expected.
Remember, as a man; you laid the foundation of this relationship; you are still in charge. You have to spin this wheel to the end. If you are blaming your partner for the boredom, you are handing over the steering wheel to her; you are telling her to be in charge. You have simply given up.
That’s why I said if she is boring, then you are boring. The buck stops with you. You have the power button. With the power button, you evade boredom, and if she gets bored, you use it to turn her around to suppress boredom and keep things fresh. I write to you men because I know you can outlive boredom. Here are a few signs to show that you are boring in your relationship.
• She prefers to hang out with her friends to your company. Yes, she would better extend the time with her colleagues than be with you.
• She takes herself out. If you partner books solo vacation to be alone in a restaurant, you should know that all is not well. The fact that she doesn’t want to explore the world with you speaks volumes. In as much as I respect her decision, I’m afraid for you.
• Nobody talks about your happiness; your friends and close family members no longer compliment your relationship. They have begun asking questions like: how is Mary?
• If she keeps her eyes and mind wandering. She scrolls through social media to see the status of her ex. It’s a clear sign that you are boring – that you need to better your game.
• If she gives you excuses to skip night outs. Spending solo time together is one of the exciting things for love birds. So if she claims to be too tired for it, then rest assured that all is not well.
• She says it’s OKAY when her body language and tone speak the opposite. She would never disclose what’s happening within herself because you can’t help.
If that’s your situation, my brother, boredom, has taken the best of you – and when boredom exceeds your creativity, then breakup is inevitable. I’m not blaming you for everything in your relationship, but I intend to showcase your potential.
You may be asking: why do you think it’s I who’s boring and not she? That’s a good question, but did you know that when excitement ends in a relationship, it becomes tedious for a woman. If you keep that fire burning, she won’t get bored, and you won’t be boring. It starts with you, and if you are boring, then she will get bored.
Here are 6 things you must avoid to outlive boredom in your relationship.
1. Never kill romance
A friend of mine tells me that dating starts with feasting and end with mourning. You may agree with him, but I don’t. But, if you kill the romance in your relationship, then you can buy his idea. Ladies can’t live without romance; in fact, it is the romance that drew her to you. And you want to kill it? Hey no!
You can keep your relationship exciting by sending simple kind gestures to her daily. There are so many ways of doing it, use a new question every day. You can draft an excellent romantic text and send it to her. You may also make a call over the lunch hour to check on her.
When was the last time you wrote a note to her? And you want to convince me that you can’t be romantic on a daily basis? Write that note and put it in her handbag. What do you think will be happening in her mind when she pulls out that note to read in her workplace? It will be you and her for a moment. I mean there are umpteen ways of doing it, and it has worked for us.
2. Never stick to the old menu
Avoid doing the same thing the same way. Getting into the same restaurant, sitting at the same corner and eating the same food for decades. How does it sound? People need change; I prefer writing in my house, but as I write this blog post, I’m in a new restaurant; a place that I have never been to before. And I like it.
You may claim to love a particular restaurant so much (sticking to the old menu) – and it’s good to be in a place that you know. It’s great to be in a new location. Both of you will have a new perception, excitement, and fun. To realize that achievement, find out what she likes about the old restaurant and get a new restaurant with the same complements.
Do not stick to the old menu; try something new in a new environment — we like new things. Boredom is married to old places – the two are one; try new places to divorce it.
3. Avoid unnecessary arguments
I will remind you how you had very little to disagree on at your initial stages in your relationship. You nearly agreed on everything. Arguments are common in relationships. Can I submit to you that even healthy couples argue? Yes, they do. Arguments make us real.
In your arguments, don’t always insist on your side. You can’t keep winning – sometimes when you are right, let her carry the day. You know when you push her on the wrong side always, she will want to prove you wrong. And your arguments will never end. Sometimes ignore those little things; just know that you can’t be right all through. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
In your arguments, talk about facts, forget about feeling. Pretending to understand her feelings to interpret what she said or did, is an exercise in futility. To avoid such a mix-up talk about your feelings and be factual. Let her feelings be hers, and your feelings are yours; avoid guesswork.
4. Never reduce her space
Everybody needs space to breathe and exercise. Space is the best gift you can offer to a lady in a relationship. Please don’t take away her freedom; remember before you came in her life, she defined her space. I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t check how she utilizes her space, of course, you have to.
The fact that you are so much into her, the reason she considers you boring. Remember that you are two people wired differently. Days have gone by, and things have changed, it’s unlike long ago when women had no space. A woman can walk away when she feels like it.
It’s even worse for you if she walks way citing the same reason that your ex did; boredom. If you don’t shun reducing her space, she will soon find another guy who’s caring and not boring. Freedom can either break or strengthen your bond. So you must be careful how you deal with it.
There’s when to grant space and when to deny it. If your girl wants to attend a function with her girlfriends, accept but if she wants to have fun at nightclubs without you don’t take it. It’s upon you to change the space to fit the two of you. Do the things that will augur well with you and her.
5. Never forget your talent/ hobbies
If she is bored with your relationship, you have forgotten your hobby; given too much in your relationship hence the then fatigue. They say that too much of everything is bad for you. Sometimes you need to embark on your hobby to rejuvenate your relationship. However, you need to strike the right balance to ensure that your hobby doesn’t kill your relationship.
You need to spend time doing something different to avoid boredom. Try to bring her into your hobby or career. See how you can merge her interest with yours. If you are good at writing, write, and present your manuscript to her, let her judge you. It‘s a good way of taking a break together. Remember, you should never sacrifice the time that was once spent together in the altar of your career/hobby.
You may consider helping her develop her career. Once you do that, inspire her to consider creating her own time to establish herself; this way, you will have paved your way to greatness. A relationship is like a bank; you can only withdraw what you deposited.
6. Shun multitasking when talking to her
Christopher S. Easthope and Tim Killeen (scientists) in The Conversation, they opined that women are better at multitasking than men. They cited particular hormone found in women to prove their case; I’m not a scientist; I’m a relationship coach, and my scientific knowledge is wanting. But one thing is evident if multitasking is tied to a specific hormone found in women, then you can’t pass the test. If you need a multitasking mock test, then that’s not the best time take it.
When you start receiving calls in the middle of your discussion, you make her switch back and forth; such switches come with hefty repercussions. Avoid multitasking because it will produce a smoking gun against you in the future – and the time and resources that you invested in her will go to the dogs.
So identify what is likely to distract you when you are meeting her. You may consider putting your phone in the silent mode, putting off your data and if possible put your phone some miles away from you. Such decisions help you avoid multitasking to focus on the main thing.
Getting into a new relationship is fun. Dating someone new is equivalent to a new teacher moving to a new school. He/she feels happy because his/her old jokes will be treated as new ones by the students. It’s also like a student attending his/her lectures for the first time – there are high expectations.
That speaks volumes. It indicates that the said teacher and the student are rising above boredom. They are trying something new to get excited. If that is true, then the same should happen in your relationship.
You don’t need to assume you are boring because you have been in a relationship for a long time. That can’t save anything; it will only worsen the situation. You should try something new to animate your relationship. If there are signs that you are boring, then something needs to change.
You need continuous assessment tests to check your progress in your relationship. The aim is to ensure that things don’t run out of hand; you want to man the situation early in advance to avoid rude shock. You don’t want to allow boredom to take over your relationship. Remember the two of you can talk about the things which lead to boredom and how to fix them.
Boredom will never mutilate your relationship without permission from you. Learn to endure as you wrestle with boredom. Bruce Lee once said, “ a fight is not won by one punch or kick. Either learn to endure or hire a bodyguard.”