How Often Should You See Your Girlfriend – that’s a good question! Let’s get that answered so you don’t make the BIG DATING MISTAKE!
For most people, dating is usually not a cakewalk. Lucky are those that meet that special someone that magically hit it right off the first date to become longtime lovers. So when you meet someone you would actually want to see again, knowing the actions to do next can be quite confusing. This is especially when it comes to determining how often to see a girlfriend.
A Common Situation A Lot of Us Can Relate To
So you finally meet a lovely mature lady whom you seem to have an instant connection with. This is actually one of the best feelings you’ve had for a long time. You not only have genuine chemistry but also you spend an entire Saturday night with her talking about everything and anything. You can swear that you like seeing her every other day, and wouldn’t mind letting her move in bearing in mind that it is barely a week since you guys met.
You dive into the relationship right away, and soon you start ditching the Saturday nights out with your boys to get to spend more time with her. Sooner than later, you plunge yourself into relationship isolation such that your friends start wondering where you’ve disappeared to over the past few weeks. More often than not, this new found love disappears as quick as it came, a few months if not weeks later leaving you high and dry licking your own emotional wounds.
That’s the wrong way to approach dating, especially if you want your new relationship to last. One of the most important factors that determine the depth and the longevity of the new relationship is the frequency of the times you see each other. This brings us to a very important question.
How Often Should You See Your Girlfriend?
There is no specific answer to this question. It mainly depends on the level of your relationship i.e. how long you have been dating. The number of times you can see a girl who you have been in a relationship for quite some time is obviously more than the number times can see a girl you just started to date.
Before Dating – The Once-A-Week Rule
At this stage, you are trying to get her to date you. So how many dates per week should you have when you’ve just met her? Most men want to get to close the deal as fast as they can especially due to the deep attraction at this point. This lack of patience, however, is what makes most men fail before they even get started.
Don’t rush to ask her to come to your place the next day you’ve met her. When you manage to go on a date with her, make it easy and fun. Don’t talk about serious or sensitive topics such as religion, politics or sports. Talk about topics girls are most interested in i.e. themselves. Men are also quick to ask for a second date prematurely which does not work out to their advantage.
You actually come off as a needy guy who has nothing great going on with his life. You don’t want her thinking that this loser needs to ‘get a life,’ right? It is recommended to pace your first three dates to at least once a week. This gives you enough time to build attraction and trust to set the stage for the next phase which is the dating phase. The only exception to this rule is if she asks to see you; of course, a gentleman should be always happy to oblige.
How Often To See Girlfriend When You Start Dating
The once-a-week rule still applies for the first month of dating. At this phase, you must have gone to several dates and maybe slept with her. However, this does not guarantee that that you know each other well. When you spend extended amounts of time with someone new, a false sense of intimacy connectedness often grows. This means that we feel deeply invested in the new relationship before we get to know the person. As such, by limiting access to each other to once a week, it gives your new relationship a fighting chance of thriving. Here’s why:
It takes time to know someone
Although we claim to feel an instant connection, it takes months or even years to actually get know someone. It takes a long gradual process to figure out whether someone is a good match. When you talk of the one’ especially in the early dating days, you are actually idealizing the person, which means that you are projecting these great traits and characteristics onto this person.
Pacing yourself during the first months of dating, it gives you a good chance of learning who the person really is and what are their intentions. This can help you can effectively avoid painful heartbreaks especially when things don’t work out given that you’ve have been able to set realistic expectations about the other person.
Sex can cloud your judgment
I have nothing against having sex with someone you are attracted to. However, if you are looking for a long term relationship, having sex too early can cloud your judgment. This is especially given that; it is intoxicating due to the release of the love hormone called oxytocin. It results in the creation of strong bonds and emotions too early in the relationship which often clouds your judgment when it comes to determining whether the other person wants the same things you want. Seeing each other less during the early phases of dating enables you to think less with your libido and heart and more with your head.
This is the best way to build lasting relationships
How did you build a lasting relationship with your best friend? You didn’t just meet the first day and then start meeting each day after for a week or so try to get to know everything about each other or to have fun, right? You also do not obsess about how often you text or see your friend. This sounds forced. So why then should you try to create a romantic relationship on a strategy that fails to create friendship? More importantly, long term relationships do not thrive purely on attraction and passion, but mostly on friendship.
Too much contact can be emotionally draining
Given that we lead busy lives, investing too much amount of time on a new relationship can wreak havoc in your life. It can also drain her emotionally which means she can start associating these negative emotions with you and thus may end up rejecting you. Moreover, when you see too much of each other too early, she might feel rushed or under pressure to make a decision too soon, which may get her running for the hills.
On the other hand, pacing yourself can help intensify her curiosity and desire to see you more. Remember is she feels positive emotions when she thinks of you, she is likely to associate them with you and hence like you more. This does not necessarily mean that you play hard to get. However, scarcity makes you seem valuable thus she will always yearn to be with you since she can’t have enough of you. Moreover, you will have so much to talk about during the dates thus effectively improving their quality and outcome.
Helps you to keep living your life
Pacing the meets ups to once per week means that your daily schedule is not interrupted. This allows you to continue doing things you love and meeting people you like. It is important to try to keep your life as normal as possible else, you are likely to jeopardize your existing relationships.
Consequently, you will also avoid becoming a horrible friend who suddenly opts out of fun activities with just because he’s found a new catch. This aspect reduces the sting of the disappointment in case the relationship doesn’t work out. The bottom line is that for the relationship to last beyond the first month of dating, the feelings of excitement need to be savored i.e. not to be dismissed and never rushed.
How Often To See Girlfriend When You Are Seriously Dating?
Here’s some great news; you can see each other as much as you want. So how do you know that you are ready to move beyond the once-a-week dates to a full-blown relationship where you can see each other whenever you wish?
Time tells is all. When habits between the two of you start to form and you’ve grown quite comfortable with each other, these are the magical signs that you are settling in a healthy relationship. A natural progression into a healthy relationship should not affect you or your other relationships.
At this point in time, the number of times you can see each other should be based on your mutual agreement or simply as much as you want.
However, it is also important to give your significant other the gift of being able to miss you or rather to miss your company. Seeing each other on a daily basis is not likely to facilitate that. Moreover, routines make you predictable, which makes you boring. So once in a while, deny her the fix of seeing you or talking to you (in a kind and subtle manner) so that she can have the opportunity to reminisce about your company.
She is likely to miss how you make her feel when you touch her, talk to her, or your sense of humor. Maybe she will miss your face, your tone of voice, the romantic moments, your intelligent remarks or your way of thinking about life.
The bottom line is that when she misses you, she only thinks of positive things about you. Trust me, this is an avenue you want to explore in a long term relationship. Careful though not to overdo it because she might think you are avoiding her, or even worse, you are seeing someone else.
How About Texting? How Often Should You Text Your Girlfriend?
Here’s a simple fact, if you text someone on a daily basis whether you are actively dating or not, sooner than later, you will both get bored with that. However, there are exceptions to this rule. One of them is an actively dating couple that has made a pact to frequently text each other or you are comfortable texting “Missing you already!” after a few minutes of being out of each other’s sight.
The other exception is for couples in a long distance relationship, or while out of town, on a trip or anything else that falls under similar circumstances. This is because the best way to communicate is through text and phone calls. Taking a break from texting once in a while can also turn out to be a powerful technique to get her to miss you.
Moreover, if you are still in the honeymoon stage of dating, taking a break from texting is also a great way to get the woman to chase you. This is because it creates anticipation to talk and see you, which eventually evolves into a strong attraction and emotional attachment.
If you are not dating, you should approach texting carefully. Texting her too much makes you look needy. Furthermore, texting is poor in conveying interest and emotions and can be easily misunderstood. Unless you are a seduction guru, texting will not necessarily get you close to your goals.
The only goal of texting at this stage should be to get her to meet you in person where she can get to hear the tone of your voice, notice your eyes and gestures and even get to feel your physical touch.
The Wrap Up – Why Timing Matters
We all wish that dating and relationships are a simple and non-complicated affair. That it would be just a simple straightforward way that you get to express your feelings without the fear of judgment and rejection. However, those kinds of relationships only exist in fairy tales. Moreover, you too are complicated, which makes the whole game fair enough.
Knowing the right things to say or do will get you to meet and take quality women on dates. Knowing how to pace yourself in terms of the frequency of texting and seeing her will get you to build a deep connection and attraction. More importantly, it takes time, trust, respect, vulnerability, security among others to achieve quality lasting relationships.
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