by Austine Sila
Did you initiate the breakup or she did? Whichever the case relationships can be hell sometimes. Surprisingly, breakups get men on the wrong side of history and hit them below the belt. Our culture doesn’t have an open-and-shut way of saying goodbye to your once loved one. But some ways have worked for some men. Are you ready to try them?
Unlike women, men get into the pool without knowing how to swim. But at least this blog post will save you (man) from the pool. I won’t crucify you because you got into the pool without the basic principles. The best thing for you as a man is to get up and keep moving.
However, a man should create sufficient time to heal to avoid moving from the frying pan to the fire. The intention is to heal the wound and crave a better relationship in the future. Here are 10 steps that will help a man become better after the breakup.
1. Look at the bigger picture
A man should pause enough to see beyond breakup. To achieve this, a man does not need glasses; he needs himself and a strong spirit. Once you have decided to break up, then you need to look at the bigger picture. Don’t focus on what you did well or what you didn’t.
If she posts offensive things about you don’t even respond; in fact, that is a hint that she feels hurt- so pause, feel important and move on. You don’t want to be pulled into backlash because it may hurt more than did the breakup.
Create your own space, and every time she vents her venom; walk away. Unlike young relationships, breakups are not a walk in the park. But you can help things work by looking at the bigger picture rather than being petty.
2. Guard your emotions
You are responsible for your feelings, and as a man, you should never allow her to control your emotions. There is nothing that will make her happy, like watching you crippled emotionally. A man should work on his feelings so that he doesn’t claim to be satisfied but be seen to be so.
If she hears of your happiness and sees your positive post on social media, she descends as you ascend. Don’t pin her down with negative statements because she may backlash to destabilize your emotion. You need to induce instinctive happiness and a good mood. If a man controls his feelings, he recovers quickly, remains focused and grounded. Strive to guard your emotions and don’t allow her to distract you.
3. Talk to another man
You don’t owe an explanation to anybody but talking to a friend (man) can work miracles. There is so much which goes on in a man’s mind after a breakup; he literally speaks to himself. He criticizes himself more than he consoles himself. You need a man to help strike a balance.
Look here! Call a true friend for a cup of tea, and as you take it, broach the subject. Your friend will criticize and build you at the same time. He will tell you where you went wrong as well as where you went right. Your discussion will clear your mind.
He will respond to your hardest questions; and more importantly, you will strike a successful conclusion. You will leave that meeting a whole new person. So wake up and get somebody you can trust.
4. Remember the fire in your belly as they say
Remember how energetic and enthusiastic you were before you met her. Yes! You read, wrote, played sports and more importantly spent time appropriately. I remind you that such energy is still there. You can work it out as a man.
We forget so fast about what excited us before we fell in love. Take a look at the back and find out. Is it sports or playing the piano? Now pursue it again, passionately. It will give you more pleasure and flee you from depression.
If you pursue your passion (sports), you get home tired, and the memories can’t haunt you. When you retire to bed, and before the memories hit back, you will have slept because you will be exhausted. Play this game again and again, and before you realize you will be on a straight road.
5. Talk and speak if you can
What exactly is the difference between talking and speaking? You ask! While talking implies a formal discussion, speaking is a one-sided communication. So why is speaking necessary? Speaking helps a man keep his mind preoccupied. With a preoccupied mind, bad memories fade away.
Since it would be challenging to hold a talk about this issue frequently, choose to speak. Speak about everything. If you are working, involve yourself in any discussion that your colleague will table. Make fun and get entertained.
Remember, reticent people commit suicide more than talkative people. So at least become talkative for once. Being silent destroys everything that you may try to build.
6. Embrace forgiveness
Forgiveness helps a man not only to heal but also reclaim wholeness. Many are times a man will feel betrayed, injured, and embarrassed by the breakup; he is left wondering why she hurt him that much. But does this really help? Methinks, what is vital is to forgive and forge ahead.
Forgiveness is about you and your recovery and not her. Embracing forgiveness helps a man to let go. You don’t need to reach out to her to forgive. It’s enough to forgive and move on. In forgiveness, there is much air to breathe and freedom of expansion. So embrace forgiveness, and you shall see change.
7. Focus on your work and profession
When a breakup strikes, it’s the high time for a man to focus on his work and career. This change is a significant shift to help you feed your ambition. Believe me, when you perfect your skills, there will be a competitive company waiting for you out there. You need yourself to empower yourself.
It’s entirely wrong for a man to sit down and wail. What does it benefit a man to lose both relationship and career? So now that one is gone; focus on the other. The energy that you had channeled on the relationship can now be redirected to your profession.
8. Take a walk/ travel
Men are prone to taking a walk when a hard talk ensues in a relationship. So why stop it after a breakup? The worst thing you can do is to lock yourself in a room after a breakup. Explore the world! Traveling is an excellent medication to the soul and heart after a breakup.
A walk will move you physically and emotionally away from your traumatic memories; it will engage your mind on something else or give you a different mission. A walk will put new data in your mind. It will save a man from looking at a photo of his ex. Going out into a new world gives you a fresh look and bars you from meeting your former girlfriend. Travelling will provide you with a new reality.
9. Avoid breakup sex
If you are there and thinking of breakup sex, forget about it. For what purpose is sex at such a time? There is no right way to say goodbye, as noted earlier. But sex is the worst method for a man. Why? Because it can’t solve anything and furthermore your girlfriend can use it against you.
Sex may tend to gloss over the damage, but it has far-reaching consequences. It’s not as romantic as it sounds. Trust me, if you need healing, avoid breakup sex, because this thing can mess up the whole issue.
10. Don’t hop to another relationship.
Being told not to hop into another relationship after a breakup is the last thing that a man would want to hear. Many people claim that the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody. I’m not sure about it, all I know is that you need to take time alone.
I understand that your mind was acclimatized to being with somebody and that it’s hard to be alone. You may find yourself thinking about somebody in place of your ex. But you need to buy time and calculate your steps before you make any move.
Once you are ready to dive into the pool of dating; fall, there is no formula, and it’s not a school syllabus that it must take a specific time. The only thing which matters is your healing.
What to do?
Now that you are separated, you are free at last. Nobody is there to nag you. Before you do anything else, hold a party, celebrate and crown yourself; you have finally won. It was a fierce struggle, but you endured to the end.
You have learned your lesson. Breakups can make or break a man. But since you are there and reading this, there is what you need to do. Because you have rediscovered yourself, establish a grounded relationship.
The only important wish for a man is the wish to have spent more time with the loved one. Nobody wishes to have spent more time sleeping or working. There is only one wish; the desire to spend time with the loved one. And when you do that, the end will be okay. And if it’s not okay, as John Lennox once said, everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.