So you’ve got an eye on a single mom. You like her because she’s strong, smart and beautiful but you are afraid to start something serious with her just because she is a single mom. There are many who encourage you to go for it but there are also many telling you to run for the hills.
Dating a single mother is one of those things that you need to carefully consider before going in. Children are a complicating factor, so you need to be sure that you really want it or else it will blow up in your face.
In this article, we will teach you all you need to know about dating a single mom so that you can be well aware of what you’re getting yourself into.
Factors to consider when dating a single mom
1. Why is she a single mom?
There are many reasons why a woman you’re interested in could be a single mother.
The first reason is divorce or separation from their previous partner. In this day and age when divorce and separation are rampant, we are always hearing of cases where parents decide to go their separate ways. The divorce rate has skyrocketed to the point that there are more divorced or separated couples than those who actually stay together.
Some divorces are smooth while others can get quite messy so you should be aware of this. In this type of situation, you can expect the ex to still be in the picture.
Another reason is where the single mom accidentally got pregnant, usually at a young age, and the father is unknown or nowhere to be found today. We all make mistakes and for women, some mistakes can leave them pregnant and tasked with a new responsibility for life. If the woman was sexually active with multiple partners, she may not even know who exactly is the father.
Knowing why she’s a single mom is a good indication of her character and a hint of what you can expect when you start dating her.
2. Her Age
The age of the single mom can give you an indication of what to expect and what she expects from you as well. For instance, if she’s in her early 20s, she is most probably looking for a partner who will also take on the role of step daddy and help her raise her child. Single moms at this age are mostly those who made a costly mistake that got them pregnant and they usually have little to no contact with the baby’s father.
If you are dating an older single mom with older kids, she might be against you having any type of relationship with her children.
3. How much does she make?
Some single moms are genuinely looking for love while many others are just looking for a man to provide for her needs and the needs of her children. Before you start dating a single mom, you should have at least a rough idea of how much she makes. This way, you won’t be shocked when you are forced to cater to her costly needs when your relationship gets serious.
4. Relationship with her child’s father
When dating a single mom, you need to know their current relationship with their ex. Is he still in the picture? Does he visit to see the kid(s)? Is their relationship good?
You need to be fully aware of their relationship since no matter how much you try to avoid it, there’s a good chance that it will affect you on more than a few occasions. For instance, if the woman is always fighting with her ex, you may find yourself trading blows with the ex.
5. Number of kids
For most people, dating a single mother with just one kid is much better than dating one with two or more. Remember that the more the kids are, the more the number of people the woman values more than you.
How to Date a Single Mother
If you have decided that a single mother is the one you want to date, there are a number of things you need to do to increase the chances of having a successful relationship. They are as follows:
1. Know that she doesn’t need you – when it comes down to it, her kids are the most important thing to her and her life probably revolves around them. She has been doing this on her own so she doesn’t really need your help now. It might hurt your ego but the sooner you grasp this, the better.
2. Don’t waste her time – most single moms are not interested in flings or dating men who haven’t “figured it out” yet. Most single moms are mature, both emotionally and mentally, so they need a mature man as well. You knew she had kids before you started dating her so don’t ever make her feel bad or guilty about being a mom.
3. Be honest – from the start, you should be crystal clear about yourself and your intentions. Single moms have probably dealt with a lot of lies and other bad things in their past relationships, so don’t add to it. Be honest about why you want her and what you want from her. Don’t pretend to like kids just so you can get into her pants. If you are honest about it, it could be what she’s also searching for.
4. Create many opportunities that allow her to be seen as herself, not as a single mom – she has probably been labeled a ‘single mom’ so many times that she forgot how to be herself. She probably doesn’t feel very attractive. She’s frustrated. She’s tired. She has learned to adapt to the reality of being a single mom and the routine responsibilities that come with that. It’s your job to get her out of that ‘single mom’ shell and treat her like a queen. Remind her that you really see her, the woman, and not the mom.
5. Be patient – I cannot stress how important this is. You will need to be very patient with a single mom because first of all, her child will always be her main priority. You will always be second or even further down her list of priorities if she has more than one child. So don’t be surprised if she’s always late for dates and unavailable for various things that you consider important.
You also need to be patient with the relationship. Take it slow and don’t expect her to give it up on the first date. Single women are usually very careful about who they let into their lives so don’t be surprised if it takes a lot of time and effort on your part to make love.
6. Relax, you are not a dad, yet – just because you are dating a single mom doesn’t mean you have to take up any parental responsibilities. Matter of fact, the biological father is probably still in the picture. Learn to respect that relationship, know what your role is, and create healthy boundaries that will maintain order in your relationship moving forward.
Before your relationship gets serious, you need to have a long conversation with her regarding your relationship with her kids. Some single moms may not want you to have much of a relationship with her kids while others may want you to have one. You just need to set rules and boundaries before it gets serious.
Don’t be too much too soon with the kids. There’s a chance that they already don’t like you so you should allow your relationship to develop naturally.
7. Let her deal with her kids – let your girlfriend handle all her kids’ issues first and only help if she specifically asks you to. If you have any concerns about her kids’ behavior, talk to her about it first and let her handle it.
8. Avoid ex drama – if the kids’ biological father is still around, you will probably have to deal with him many times. If there’s tension, let your girlfriend handle it. She knows how to deal with him best. Remember to always take your lady’s side in any argument between them.
9. Offer emotional support – single moms have to deal with a tremendous amount of pressure. Be the type of boyfriend who listens to her and helps her deal with various problems without necessarily solving it for her. She’ll work it out in time; she just needs your support.
10. Talk about finances – this is a huge elephant in the room when it comes to dating a single mom, particularly when it’s getting serious. It’s quite an uncomfortable conversation but having it before it gets too serious will save you a lot of stress in the future. You need to know what kind of financial help she expects from you when it comes to raising the other man’s child.
Pros and Cons of Dating a Single Mom
Single mothers tend to be more mature as they are used to taking care of themselves and their kids on their own. A single mom has to take care of her kid’s health, nutrition, education, and many other things and in doing so, their level of thinking is elevated to a higher level than childless ladies.
Single moms are forced by life to handle everything by themselves. She doesn’t really need you as she’s already earning, doing all household chores, raising her kids, and educating them by herself.
3. She’s in it for the long haul
Most single moms are only interested in serious relationships, not temporary ones full of games. Since a single mom’s personal life has an effect on their child’s life, she is more careful about who she lets in. If you want a long term committed relationship, dating a single mom is a good idea.
4. She’s not too demanding
A single mom won’t demand all your time and attention since they can’t reciprocate. Yes, she might want a committed relationship but her kids will always be her full-time commitment. This is great for you if you don’t like having to be there for everything or dealing with unending texts the whole day.
1. Trust issues
Single moms may have trust issues and emotional scars from the previous relationship that didn’t work out. You may have to put in a lot of work to gain her trust. This could even mean months before getting so much as a kiss from her.
A single mother is likely to have a lot of baggage weighing her down. She could be emotionally scarred from past relationships. She also has kids, which is plenty of baggage of its own. She also has an ex who will almost seem like a third party in your relationship sometimes. Before dating a single mom, find out what her baggage is and only pursue the relationship if you can handle it.
3. You’re not first on her list of priorities
From the very beginning, you have to accept that a single mom will always put her kids first in everything she does. You will never be her main commitment. If, for instance, you need her to be your date for an important business or family event, don’t be surprised if she cancels abruptly just because her kids need something.
A single mom will probably have a job to pay for her bills and after that, she has to go home to take care of her kids. This means that she’ll have very limited time to spend with you which can be frustrating.
5. The kids may not like you and vice versa
If your relationship gets serious, you will have to establish some form of relationships with her kids. This can be hard especially if her kids don’t like you. Some kids will see you as the reason behind their parents splitting. You may also not like the kids which can cause problems in your relationship with their mom.
Dating a single mom is tough and complicated, but if you get it right, you can build a great relationship that lasts for the rest of your lives. If you decide to go for it, just be sure you are ready for everything it comes with and that it’s what you really want. Good luck!