The dating world is hard. There is no answer when it comes to a single approach that will get you the success you need.
Whether or not you’re the James Bond of the working place, seducing the woman you like at work can be challenging and tricky.
Bring the dating World to your working place and the difficulty increases tenfold. The Social pressures of ensuring appropriate conduct will very often steer people away from thinking about their job as the same source of their romantic life.
For ease of mind, many men will avoid contact with a female coworker that they may actually be attracted to.
Some Companies strongly oppose any type of romantic relationship in their premises with worries of degradation in the working environment along with any possible legal challenges that may arise.
However, as hard and unlikely as it may seem, many lasting relationships are born in a workplace. Consider how many hours people spend together and how well they get to know each other and this makes much more sense than any online dating app or blind date you may embark on.
There are modus operandi, however. You should keep a few appropriate rules in mind when approaching a coworker with a romantic intuit.
Not only because you want to be sure that you’re both on the same page, but you also will wish to avoid any uncomfortable issues that will arise in case you’ve read the signs wrong.
Whatever happens, keep in mind to always keep it classy and respectful. These are key rules not only for the workplace but also for any relationship you may encounter in your life. Respect shows your level of care for others and, at the same time, ensures you have structure and principles.
If you wish to disregard these rules, you’ll most likely fail in your quest and may jeopardize your job completely.
With such, let’s keep an eye of some do’s and don’ts to ensure a successful approach to that girl at work that keeps you thinking about her after hours.
Do’s:
Be Respectful. Respect is the basis of any successful relationship. Approach everyone with the same level of respect and you’ll be respected in return. Women will react positively to a gentleman, so remember to be the man they deserve.
Be supportive. Perhaps you are available to help her out with her job, give her a lift home or stay extra hours to cover for her. Whatever the reason, ensure you’re present and you keep yourself helpful. If you don’t, you’ll send out a message of one that avoids responsibility and surely no woman will bring such quality into their lives freely.
Be funny. Not inappropriate funny, but one that brings a light of sunshine on Monday mornings and doesn’t let the flow of hard work break his spirit. You’ll show resilience as well as proof of being a safe harbor for those days when things go wrong. There is something seductive about humor that tends to break even the coldest and most distant hearts.
Be charming. Compliment her outfit, her good mood, her work. Perhaps her smile if she responds positively to a little gallantry. Keep it smooth at first and work from there. Put yourself on her shoes and figure out what she enjoys the most and how she responds to your positiveness.
Figure out what moves her. Get to know the woman of your dreams, don’t just expect she’ll be whatever you project on her. She’ll have strengths and weaknesses, dreams and nightmares. Empower her by complimenting things she thinks less of about herself or her work. Positive reassurance will grant you a special place in her heart.
Take your time. Relationships are based on time and patience. Rushing will usually end up in bitterness, misunderstanding and most likely no relationship to build on. Get to know her, her tastes, her dislikes and keep being all of the above – respectful, supportive, funny, charming, caring.
Keep it quiet. The worse thing you could do is announce to everyone that you like that girl at work. People will most likely gossip about it and she won’t be happy. If you keep it quiet, as you should, you’ll end up sharing a secret between the two – and women tend to love secrets. If you absolutely must tell someone at work, do it only with people that are very close to you and wouldn’t tell a soul.
Be confident. You can do this. Just don’t be cocky, instead, show that you are sure of who you are and what you want from life. You give enough space to others and respect them, but you are the owner of your own destiny. And always keep in mind that women are attracted to men that can project confidence.
Don’t:
Be vulgar. Women don’t respond well to vulgar remarks, chauvinism or remarks that minimize their role whether personal or social as a whole. Vulgar men may attract women but not the kind that will be there for them until the end. If you detect any of those traces in you, start by working on yourself and eliminating that aspect before approaching the woman you like.
Make inappropriate jokes. Not only some jokes are not well seen in the workplace, but they will also more likely to do more harm than good. Jokes that are too sexual, minimize women or attack a woman’s self-esteem are halfway there to ending up bitter – and alone.
Want too much too fast. Take your time. If you rush into things you most likely won’t have the results you expect. You may come across as too much or as wanting only an adventure instead of a lasting relationship. Whatever your motivations, let time be your best advisor. Leave time and space for seduction and enjoy it.
Gossip about your feelings or the person you like. Gossip is like rust. It will eventually break anything you built. If you really are into someone, keep her a well-kept secret. Perhaps you can share your feelings with a friend or two, but don’t let the entire office know that you like her.
With this in mind, you may start to build the beginning of a relationship with that cute girl you like at work.
Perhaps she noticed you already and started smiling back. You’ve crossed each other at the corridor and she made that shy eye contact. Wherever it goes, it’s important to keep a steady mind and not ruin it at this point.
If she’s already into you even if a tiny bit, you’ve got a chance.
Keep finding the time and occasion to say hello, look deep into her eyes and smile – but avoid looking creepy – in a natural, respectful way.
You’ll soon notice that all the looking and smiling will naturally tend to develop into a small conversation.
Take this opportunity to talk about meaningful things instead of the weather, the stock market or work-related subjects. Ask her how her weekend was, what she likes to do in her free time, what food she likes and what she’ll do later – but leave this open for a while to make her wonder about your intentions.
Once a couple of occasions have gone by where you both found yourselves looking at the clock and loosing the notion of time after a small conversation, it’s time to consider asking her more pertinent personal questions slowly.
That will allow you to actually get to know this woman a little more into detail. Is she seeing someone? What’s her schedule like on weekends? What does she like and dislike?
Gradually elevate the number of pertinent subjects that will get you in her favor. Figuring out a lot about her at this point will mean that you’ll get it right when you first take her out for dinner and get her that favorite food she told you about weeks ago – and probably won’t remember. She’ll be impressed, you’ll make yourself look good and maybe, just maybe, will end up winning her heart.
Like it was duly noted, always keep in mind what’s appropriate and what’s not when seducing a female coworker. If you spend too much time with her at work, you’ll raise unnecessary attention from others and give way to gossip. If you find excuses at work to see her more, such as asking for her help with something, you may pass undetected for some time.
Either way, always keep in mind what the policy of your workplace is regarding relationships at work.
When you reach the point where you’re – struggling to – keep it to yourself and she approaches you in a friendly and open way and it’s obvious there is an attraction, find the opportunity to ask her out. Don’t make a big deal out of it and be confident.
Ask her what she’s doing after work or next weekend and invite her for a coffee or some lunch with some friends/coworkers and invite her over, that way you both can spend some time together in a relaxed and non-working environment, surrounded by people that you both know. That projects a safe environment to ensure you both have your guard down.
This will give you a unique opportunity to approach her without the social barriers of your workplace and get to know more about her.
Perhaps you all have a drink over lunch to get the guard down and get rid of any leftover inhibitions.
Either way, don’t overdo it. Keep it safe and friendly but keep your focus on her and your interest for her things.
Women will very often realize that you’re really into them by showing interest, spending time and giving them our undivided and caring attention.
Leave it there and if necessary offer to give her a ride home or walk her to her car. That priceless alone time between both of you may, if things go well, be remembered as the moment where it really started. Remember the list of “do’s” and keep going through it.
Respectfully thank her for coming, compliment her again and say goodbye. There is nothing more seductive than leaving room for the other person to wonder.
You’ll probably want to spend as much time as you can with her, but do your best to avoid overdoing it. Give her enough time to breathe and think about that lunch and the conversations you both had.
If after this step she’s still – or more, hopefully – into you, you’ll notice she will grant you her undivided attention.
Your seduction techniques may have worked charms and your female coworker is now crossing that boundary where things may step up to romance.
You’re in the zone now and at this stage, things can go wrong very fast if you cave, so remember to keep your focus, your charms and everything will be alright.
If you’ve managed to see her outside work even if for a social event, it’s acceptable at this point that you can casually ask for her number and give her a call sometime to go out again.
If she has no objection, you’ve played your cards well. Should she pause or think about it for more than a couple of seconds, don’t repeat the question and go back to your first couple of steps again. Some women make men work hard for their affection, but that shouldn’t put you off. Remember, you got this!
Should however she share those magical numbers with you, casually ask when she’s free to go out, even if you know tomorrow is Saturday and she has no plans. This will put the onus on her to choose whenever she wants to go out with you.
Tell her about some nice place you know without going too much into detail, as women love surprises and a man that has the ability to sweep them off their feet. If you’re lucky, she’ll say yes for a certain day of her preference instead of throwing it into an uncertain future.
Take her out and remember the list of do’s should actually be a list for every day of your life, along with the list of don’ts.
You won’t need to overdo it, but any information you gathered initially will be crucial at this point. She’ll be impressed that you remember her favorite dish – and you chose this place because they do the best ever – or that wine from abroad she told you about. Anything else is entirely up to you being yourself and charm her, make her feel safe and acknowledged. Be romantic if you will, but don’t overdo it. Above all, listen to her and what she’s got to say.
Whatever may be of you two, ensure you keep your relationship safe from your workplace by not getting too much detail shared with other coworkers or your bosses. Your private life is exactly that, and it’s a great achievement that you both decided to share it. Go on, be happy!
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