by Austine Sila
So you went for the first date a little bit unprepared? Do you want to arm yourself before you approach the second date? Prepare and take it easy. Now that you made it through the first date; I salute you. But there is still a test ahead of you.
The journey is long, but you must remain steady, focused, and determined. Just like is a driver in a vehicle, so is a man in a dating corner; both must keep their eyes focused.
The second date is more of recapitulation and peeling back the layers; diving deeper into who she is and vice versa. You must have well-structured questions; the intention is to sustain momentum and intimacy to keep the discussion light and enjoyable. How do you do that? It’s straightforward.
Since the second date is not gut-wrenching like the first date; you need to relax, and come up with a list of 10 questions chronologically. Ensure that the first five questions focus on her while the last five questions point at you.
This structure helps her relax, feel important, and at ease to react to your questions. It would be wrong to begin the discussion with self-centered questions; that’s a sign of ignorance and hubris of its kind. Even when you get in the second set of questions, you must get her to talk about you without her knowledge. I will show you how.
You have to let her feel appreciated and all-important; it’s her day, not yours. Take note. You asked her to come, and she sacrificed to be there. And by the time she begins to talk about you, you will be relaxed and composed to dig deeper. Have these 10 questions and keep them in that order, and you will make it to the third date.
Passion and interest questions
The second date is a period to learn a lot of facts about passion and interests. A man should move beyond small talk to ask personal questions to help the lady open up. Remember your questions must be rooted in your first date. It calls for a good memory; being able to recall what she said in your first date.
Here is how to frame your questions. You talked about your passion for traveling and meeting new people, right? Can you tell me about two people that you ever met; one that you loved and another that you didn’t like and why? Such questions will help you determine her passion for traveling and the kind of people she would like to meet.
You can revolve and rotate around this question to get what you want. You will see where you fall as a new person and know her expectations on you.
Now that you have known her passion and interests, it’s time to know more about her family. Since you established the basics of her family on your first date, be ready to take it further.
On your second date, consider questions such as, which family member are you closest to, and why? Who in your family has ever annoyed you that you haven’t forgotten? What do you like doing as a family? When all these questions are addressed, you get closer to her and her family.
So why are these questions important? The intention is to register with her family. You want to know why she is closer to her father than her mother; it helps you build a strong foundation in your relationship. You will again be able to ascertain what annoys her and how she recuperates.
The aim is to determine whether their family is established in a covalent bond or weak van der Waal forces. With such information, you can calculate your steps; you know where to tread and where not to.
A man should strive to understand history to be able to predict the future. I am strongly opposed to the false stereotype that the issue about your Ex should surface on your third date; the earlier, the better if you mind your new relationship. The sooner you know the cause of her recent breakup, the better you understand her.
Since this is a weighty question; you must pay more attention to her body language and the tone during the conversation. If she maintains a positive tone and open body language, it’s an indication that she was not the cause of the breakup and that she has suppressed her dark romantic history.
So which questions should you ask? Consider these two questions; which was the longest relationship you have ever had? What did you love or hate in your most recent relationship?
You realize that with those two questions, she must talk about her Ex. If she happens to cry or demonstrate any discomfort, beware of such red flags. It’s a clear sign that she hasn’t recovered from the breakup, and that she may not be ready for a new commitment. An honest conversation about Ex creates some sense of intimacy between you and your partner; the Ex question is a serious issue which needs both of you to open up.
Success and failure questions
Everybody has ever celebrated success or regretted failure at some point. The question about her success and failure will help you a lot. If she talks about her recent victory and her previous defeat, vote her yes.
Anybody who talks about a success that took place some years back and has nothing recent to show; you may not expect much from her. The focus is not her success, but what she has been doing. However, if she exposes her recent failure, then she must isolate the lessons learned from it.
Here are two questions you must ask her. What’s your outstanding achievement, and what’s so cool about it? Have you ever failed smartly, if yes, when? If she hasn’t failed then probably she hasn’t succeeded. If she picks an excellent example and then describes it diplomatically to show honesty, she is fit.
The question about her success is meant to test her humility. If she describes her success as if she is better than everybody else, then don’t expect humility; in fact, she is hard to correct. Be keen to see whether she acknowledges anybody in her success; if she doesn’t smell a rat. Responsible ladies makes people feel as if their success was a shared thing.
The question is: Where do you see your boyfriend in your dreams? Since you know her career, her interest, and passion. It’s high time to understand where all this will lead her. I know that dreams require distinguished sacrifice; I hope that your relationship won’t suffer such a consequence. You have to know how hard she can fight for her dreams. Determine what she can offer in place of her dreams; if it’s you, get prepared.
However, if she says that she needs someone to support her realize her dreams, count on her. I find it obnoxious when some ladies claim that they need to concentrate on their dreams at the expense of a relationship; yet, massive successful ladies are living their dreams with their boyfriends, spouses, and family.
Remember that you still have your dreams. If your partner is positive about the relationship, she will expect it to rejuvenate her to achieve her goals.
Since you raised the five question about her, it’s time to get public opinion about yourself. You will now point at yourself slowly and carefully. Beware of pride and be satisfied with the little she says about you. Don’t press for more because it may give a negative impression. Remember, the aim is to unearth her feeling about you and see whether you have her vote. Here is what you should ask.
What made you come for the second date?
If she says something like: You know, I was impressed by the way you managed the first date; you were so charming, funny, and composed. You really suspended me throughout our conversation. I had to come.
By the time she utters the last word, you will feel like announcing yourself a winner in a game that you were a referee. Her assurance that you won in the first round will give you the green light to proceed with confidence. This question will help you view her with tenderness and realism; it will once more help you have a summative evaluation to forge ahead.
What’s one thing you wish to know about me?
If you are not careful, such a question can make you land on your back. So you have to get an excellent response to meet what your partner wants. At this point, she can ask any question; so ensure that you have done your homework well before you pose the question.
The best way to respond to such a question is to ask her another question to unearth her assumptions. A question like: Why do you ask? Before she can finish to fumble with your question, you will have acquired an excellent response.
What made you nervous when we first met?
The purpose of this question is to try and ascertain your first impression. You want to know how she first perceived you and whether that has changed over time. If she indicates that she was afraid of the way you keenly stared at her but claims to have gotten used to it, then you know how to conduct yourself next time.
If she turns the same question to you, share your experience with her. Such information can serve as the foundation for your future discussion. You strive to make sure that in your next meeting, you will have a smooth landing.
Was it so soon to meet you?
This is an important question. The intention is to determine whether your partner is comfortable with your timing. The question helps determine when to stage the third date. Remember you are the driver, but you must ensure that there’s somebody beside you and that you are moving in the same direction.
You must not only claim to walk in the same direction but also be seen to do so. You must make her realize that she is part of it. It’s not a one man’s show; it’s a two in one thing.
What would you tell me if this was our last date?
It is the last question that you must pose in your second date. You want her to open up within her own assumptions to see whether you qualify for the third date. If she says: I would really appreciate you for today. You have her vote.
That’s just a case in point, as a man be bold enough to wait for whichever question. See how to navigate through it. Remember you have to keep spinning the wheel to get where you want.
What to do
Having raised those vital questions, here are a few things that you must do to leave her yearning for the third date. Three things must stand out on the second date. Good memory, suspense, and surprise. That is what makes her decide whether she needs the third date or not; remember it’s on the third date that you will get the ball rolling.
So come up with something unique. You can drive your partner around to show her some historical sites or play some music for her or dance for her or even share a fantastic story. Just come up with something that you like doing; entertain her, it’s incredible to go behind the curtain but don’t raise it. Remember that the journey has just begun, you need to come up with something that she won’t forget.
Be sure to surprise her on the second date. Pick up on something that she mentioned on the first date. Surprise her by taking her to a place she wished to go or by offering a simple gift. When you intertwine good memory, suspense, and surprise, all the bells and whistles will be on to usher you in on the third date. And my spirit will be there to cheer you up. To get more blog posts, follow us on making sense of manliness.
(The book Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction by Christopher Canwell is THE BEST available to help you get what you want from a relationship and dating in general).
Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction on Amazon.com