There is nothing as frustrating as when you meet a gorgeous girl you like and somehow manage to get her number, only to find out that she might not be that into you. This is especially when you find yourself always texting her first or worse, she never texts back.
This can leave your ego bruised and confidence feeling like it has been dragged through the mud. It is about time you ‘up’ your text game by avoiding mistakes that can ruin everything. On that note, let us address the elephant in the room.
Should a man always text first?
So you’ve noticed that she never texts first, and if you are like most men, you are likely to be sitting there wondering if that means anything. A simple answer to this is, yes it does. This is usually an indicator of low interest from her side or rather you like her more than she likes you.
It also means that you are the one who is chasing her and not her chasing you. Whether she’s a girl you’re trying to sleep with, a friends with benefits affair, or your girlfriend, if she never texts first, she is never as invested as you are.
When she responds but never texts first
What’s more confusing is when she is always glad to respond to your texts but never takes the initiative to contact you first. When trying to get to the bottom of this issue, it is important to keep in mind that this ordeal is more than a black or white affair. There are numerous other factors you need to consider.
For starters, it does not necessarily mean that she is not interested in you. Furthermore, if she is your girlfriend or it is a girl you are sleeping with, it is obvious that she has a decent level of interest in you.
She could be a very busy person, or she could be the old fashioned type thus she prefers the man to start the conversation. She might also be shy or afraid that you will perceive her as desperate if she texts first.
On the other hand, she might reply to your text not out of interest but she’s being courteous because she thinks it is rude not to respond. In such instances, her texts are usually very short, such as one-word replies and are usually impersonal. The bottom-line is that you can’t always figure out what is going on in a girl’s head.
What does this mean?
She may be happy to respond to your message because she enjoys the attention you are giving her. Women need constant attention and validation and thus, by always texting her, you are giving her what she needs, which communicates to her that she is awesome; too awesome for you. This is especially because she knows you will still text even if she doesn’t bother.
By doing this, you have put yourself in a weaker position; which may seem like a small thing but it is usually a big issue. When a girl has more power than you in this dance, chances are that you are heading in the wrong direction especially if it is a girl you are trying to sleep with.
What if She Never Replies?
This is usually an outright bad sign. It shows she’s not interested in you. So there is no point of trying to text her via other channels or calling her up. This is usually needy behavior that will get you nowhere close to your goal.
What should a man do?
Whether it’s casual, serious or you want your girlfriend to hit you up more or show you more respect, you need to take back the control of your relationship. Always texting first is not what alpha males and seduction gurus do, because it is a weak needy behavior.
The only way to take back the power is to stop texting her. This does not mean that you are giving up on your mission to win her over, all you are doing is changing tact. Remember that doing things the same way always gives you the same results.
It is possible that you have been bombarding her with messages that you have not given her the chance to talk to you. So by not texting her, it shows her that you have other exciting things to do with your life and that you can go on with life without talking to her. Moreover, your willingness to walk away from the relationship or a conversation if the other party does not show you enough respect is really attractive for women.
So give her a couple of days of silence. Chances are that she will text you first in a day or two if she is your girlfriend. Give it a few more days if you have been sleeping with her casually. If it is a girl that you haven’t slept with, it may take longer, even weeks.
It is also possible that you might never hear from her if she was not that interested. However, this is not an entirely bad thing, because it gives you a chance to go be with a girl who wants you back; it is called self-respect.
This, however, need not necessarily be the end game for you. You can re-engage her after weeks of silence. In this case, forget the cliché text messages such as good morning, how are you doing, or hey there text messages.
You want to re-engage her with a fun, light, playful text that will get her excited and want to respond. This could be something like, “Hey stalker, are you still alive? I am thinking of sending a search party to come and rescue you!”
Iron out your text game
Now that you’ve gotten her to text you first, you don’t want to continue doing the past mistakes that made you boring. You need to avoid sending her too many messages. Try to keep the text rations close to 1:1 as much as possible. This means that you are sending her as many texts as she is sending you including the length.
You should also avoid responding right away. So make her wait once in a while. The best way to achieve this is to get a life i.e. to have other exciting things to do in your life other than to have a conversation with her. Some dating gurus might advise you to imagine having tens if not hundreds of girls interested in you.
However, I don’t want you to fake it until you make it. I want you to have an actual experience that gives you authentic confidence in yourself. So don’t focus on just one woman. Have many other women chasing you which will give you a natural abundance mentality. Having this security, it will give you a fun relaxed attitude that will automatically translate to your text game.
Texting a lot of women will help you develop that abundance mentality naturally. This will help you to bring out a care-free and a fun, attitude to all your interaction and texts with women; an aspect that will make you more attractive. With more practice, you will intuitively know what to text a girl.
Soon you will become a texting guru who knows the right things to say that pushes the conversation closer to getting to your goal. You can as well switch things up to make your delayed replies and texting look authentic. Start by responding after 20 to 30 minutes. Then text after wait 4 hours and then wait for the next day. After that, wait a couple of more hours to respond.
Don’t miss the big picture of texting
Texting should have a goal which is to get the girl to go out with you on a date. Unfortunately, we get lost in the idle chit chat on texting which makes us end up making mistakes that we might never recover from.
However, don’t mistake this to mean that texting girls will be all about planning the meetup logistics. You have to be interesting enough to spark attraction for her to want to meet you in the first place.
So cut out texts that don’t add up to anything.
Don’t text her anything that she will not be nudged to respond to unless you want to end the conversation at that point in time. Moreover, don’t bother to reply to messages that don’t add up to anything closer to your goal.
The whole point of texting is to keep the interaction moving forward, which is to build attraction and the plan for a meetup. Your texts often end up being boring because they lack purpose or direction. Should a man always text first?
Your texts should not only have goals but should also have direction. Else, you will bore her attraction away. If you give away your attention so easily it loses its value. You can only reclaim its value by making it scarce and when you give it through your texts, it is accompanied by snippets of confidence, fun and carefree attitude. All this is focused on getting her to meet up with you because this is where things start to happen.