By C Lucy
Is she sending you signals or are you imagining things? If you’re working in an office in the 21st century you’ve probably asked yourself this question. The office setup is notorious for breeding affairs. Both men and women develop feelings for their coworkers and even enjoy a good dating experience.
However, when your married female coworker is attracted to you, it’s important to pump the brakes rather than jump into a relationship, but first; does she really like you? Do you even know how to tell if a woman likes you?
As a man, you’re probably used to making advances to women you like, you may, therefore, be oblivious of how women behave when they like you. It’s easy to mistake friendliness for attraction, but these 10 signs are a definite way of letting you know that she is interested in something more than co-working.
1. She Makes Flirtatious Comments and Jokes
Jokes and tongue slips are a window to the mind. According to Sigmund Freud, such slips represent repressed thoughts which have to find a way out. Therefore, if a married coworker is constantly joking about the two of you being together or doing intimate things, she has probably been thinking in those lines.
Her flirtatious jokes could be a reflection of her deepest fantasies and desires.
It is, however, important to pay attention to the context. If everyone else is making sexual jokes and she happens to chip in, do not jump to conclusions. She could be just trying to fit in. Flirtatious comments and jokes count as signals only if they’re extremely out of context and out of character.
2. She Favors You Over Other Coworkers
When a married coworker of the opposite sex is constantly praising your good work in front of others (even when you’ve not done much), helping you out with assignments and pulling strings for you to earn’ awards and promotions, she could be interested in something more.
This sign applies to female coworkers who are in higher positions at the office. When a person is attracted to another, they will do anything in their power to please them. Fortunately, or unfortunately, she could be having a lot of power on her hands to turn your life around at the workplace.
Think of such favors as intangible gifts which she is using to draw you closer to her. After all, it’s difficult to say no to someone who has been nothing but ind’ to you.
3. She Gets Jealous When You Get Close to Other Female Coworkers
There is no other reason as to why anyone would get jealous when you talk, laugh or spend time with other coworkers unless they’re attracted to you. Such a coworker may either be possessive or simply craving your undivided attention. Therefore, whenever you show affection to other people, she feels as if they’re aking her special place’ in your life.
Even though this behavior is an unmistakable sign of attraction, it could be difficult to detect unless you pay keen attention. It may present itself in many forms. For instance, she may start picking on your closest friends at the office. She could also be abrasive toward them. Other times she may become suddenly moody if they show up when she’s talking to you.
Be careful not to confuse a coworker’s natural temperament with jealousy. Take time to observe the nature of her aggression and the context. If she is triggered by your interactions with specific people, then she is obviously trying to tell you something.
4. She Looks at You Seductively
Most women are too shy to express their feelings boldly. There is however the bold type who will send you obvious signals, hoping that you pick up the cues and ct accordingly’. Such women will give you seductive looks by looking at you straight in the eyes in a suggestive manner.
She could give you such looks in the middle of conversations when you’re a few feet away from her or during the lunch break. Her goal is to pass a message and she will keep on seducing you with her eyes until you respond.
5. She Initiates Touch Often
Are you aware of the five languages or love? Touch is one of the ways through which people show love. At times, a coworker may touch you accidentally. However, the touch of a woman in love cannot be mistaken for an accidental tap.
If she likes you and touch is her love language, she will touch or hold your hands, fix your shirt’s collar, touch your chest gently, remove something from your hair or place her arm on your shoulder.
If she touches you in such ways more than other people do, she could be expressing her affection or initiating what she wants you to do in return.
6. She Texts You at Odd Hours
With WhatsApp and Social Media, coworkers often chat or text outside the office context. There are however unspoken boundaries. Most people know when to text and when not to. If she texts you at 10 o’clock on a Saturday, she probably feels closer to you, than you feel toward her.
Texting you at odd hours means she is thinking of you. She hopes to extend the relationship beyond the office walls and chatting is one of the ways to expand the relationship.
7. She is Invested in Your Personal Relationships
If a married woman hopes to build a relationship with you, she will want to know who else is in the picture. Whenever she gets a chance to speak to you, she will ask personal questions regarding your love life and your dating history.
If you’re keen, she may also avoid talking about her relationship, especially if you do not know much about her. However, if her marital status is public knowledge, she may say negative things about her partner in a bid to make you feel like the better option for her.
8. She Always Finds a Reason to be Around You
Is she always passing by your desk or your office? Or maybe she coincidentally’ happens to be everywhere you go? She probably enjoys your company and will, therefore, look for opportunities to be closer to you. This can explain why she will walk over to your desk to give you a message that she could have relayed through the office phone.
In some cases, she might start eating at your favorite café during the lunch break. Remember, the lunch break offers a window of opportunity for her to be less official. It’s probably the only time she will see you outside the office setup (unless you live in the same neighborhood). Therefore, she has to take any chance at her disposal to see you outside the office.
9. She Seems Nervous When Around You
Just because a coworker is attracted to you doesn’t mean she wants you to know. She could be fighting her feelings deep inside, hoping you or other people never notice. In a bid to hide her feelings, she will react awkwardly when you’re around her.
She might be hostile, tense or in a hurry to leave. She will also avoid eye contact and whenever your eyes meet, she might look away hurriedly.
10. She is Always Stealing Glances
Don’t we all like seeing the people we like? You are eye candy to her and she would stare at you all day if she could. However, due to the nature of the work environment, she has to steal glances every now and then.
You might notice her staring at you lovingly during meetings when you’re giving a presentation, when you’re just seated at your desk or when you’re walking out of the office. If she just can’t stop looking at you, she’s definitely attracted to you.
What to do?
Now that you know how Jane, the married lady from finance feels about you, should you make a move and grab that opportunity? Your manly instincts may compel you to reciprocate her advances (if she is making any) but remember, having an affair with a married coworker does not lead to a happy place. There is no happily ever after in such relationships.
First, she is married. You may or may not know her husband but when he finds out you’re having an affair, he is not likely to smile and let it go. You are therefore putting yourself in danger.
The fact that she is married also exposes you to a lot of health dangers. Assuming that your coworker is married to a man who also cheats, you can never truly tell how many people are involved and what kind of diseases and or STDs they have.
Her husband’s mistresses could also be sleeping with other people thus expanding the network’. With so many people involved, you can never be truly safe when it comes to sexual and reproductive health.
The fact that you’re working in the same office is also an issue. It’s not just morally inappropriate to have an affair with a married woman, but when she is your coworker, you’re also violating your workplace.
Even though your organization may allow relationships between coworkers, such an affair will reflect negatively, especially on your morality and work ethic. The amount of satisfaction you will gain from such a relationship is not worth your career growth and dignity.
If you, however, feel like there isn’t much to lose by starting a relationship with her, there are measures you can take to keep things between the two of you. First set some ground rules before the relationship takes off. For instance, you could ask her not to call or text you at certain hours.
Second, ensure you understand the depth of your relationship to prevent it from spiraling out of control. Is she looking for sex, a friend or a companion? Third, always respect the workplace and avoid doing anything intimate during work hours.
Finally, if you find yourself in a situation where your coworker is sending these signals, do not assume she wants to have a relationship with you. She could be simply flirting or playing around. She could also be trying to suppress her feelings unsuccessfully. Therefore, do not address the issue immediately, unless she says anything. Ignoring the signals will eventually discourage her.
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