Money, power, respect. They might sound like an adage from classic mob movies. But there is more to it. It’s the main reason why younger women can go crazy about older men. Even though it might be taboo – something many people refuse to admit or even talk about- many women aged 20 or 30 years old prefer to be with someone who is a decade or two older, perhaps even doubling their age.
We have seen celebrities and powerful men engage in relationships with much younger women. We know it was a common thing throughout history. And men from all cultures still find companionship and love in the arms of a younger woman. But why is that?
Several studies show the attraction older men and younger women experience is biological — evolutionary psychology leads us to believe the higher status and experience older men have are aphrodisiacs for women of all ages.
There’s more than attraction in a relationship: Can an older man date a younger woman in this day and age? How can they develop a successful relationship, despite the age difference? And most importantly, can an older man fall in love with a younger woman?
These questions might seem obvious for older men who have had a relationship with younger women -or the other way around-, but not so much for those who haven’t been fortunate enough to experience it.
Why would a younger woman be attracted to an older man?
It is pretty obvious age changes a person: a man is everything a boy is not. Many younger men aged 20 to 30 years old – have little to no job experience, have no financial security and have lackluster experience when it comes to romantic relationships. What’s worse, young men go through a development stage where they need to find themselves before they develop an identity of their own.
Older men, 40 years or older, have found their place in the world — they’ve been the way they are for years. A strong identity and personality are key to attract a woman (no matter how young or old) but it’s especially important for a younger woman: they are looking for someone to feel safe with and to learn from. Younger women look for a rock to depend on, something an unstable younger man won’t be able to be. An older man is sure about himself. He is also sure about what he has. A house, a car, a big bank account. They are not necessary to attract a younger woman but they come as a big bonus in the relationship.
Even though gifts and paid vacations – the overall provider role – are great for a younger woman, the money aspect is attractive for a completely different reason: an older man has built his empire and made his own money — he’s capable of doing anything in the eyes of a younger woman. If that doesn’t build attraction, nothing does.
How can you tell if a younger woman is attracted to you?
Even though the age gap might be substantial, the same rules apply to everyone. It doesn’t matter if you are both the same age or 30 years apart. Attraction is attraction. A woman who likes a man will act in certain ways, age difference or not. For further elaboration on this read our article “Are Age Gaps Really That Wrong In A Relationship“.
The devil is always in the details — there’s an old Spanish saying that goes: “the devil knows more by being old than by being the devil”. If you are an older man trying to figure out whether a young woman likes you or not, you probably know already.
You know how a woman looks at someone she’s attracted to. If you are wondering if a certain young woman likes you, you will know by the way she touches you, how she talks to you and by how much she laughs at your jokes. Those are the common signs regardless of age.
There’s a sign you might have not picked up from experience, as it only happens in a relationship between an older man and a younger woman. She will come to you for advice. And she’ll listen carefully to anything you have to say.
You will be like a pillar of wisdom to her — that’ll be one of the main sources of attraction for her. Bear in mind, if she does come asking for help, do not mock her at all. Help her, as best as you can. Remember: younger women are attracted to experience and wisdom, not mockery and disrespect.
How can an older man ask a younger woman out?
Here’s where the trouble begins. It’s not hard to tell whether a younger woman likes you – an older man – or not. You are experienced enough to see it coming, or at least suspect it. Once you know she likes you, you will have to take the first step towards a relationship.
That’s the thing, right? How can an older man ask a younger woman out, without sounding like a creep? Most old men will feel paralyzed by the mere thought of being perceived as a creepy old man who preys on younger women.
As long as you are polite, respectful and don’t take it too far, you’ll have no trouble. You should also be clear and direct about your intentions. Young boys will beat around the bush. You are an older, experienced man who has no time for games — you should act like it.
Younger women have more than enough young boys asking them out through social media and older men trying to buy their way into a date. All you have to do is avoid their mistakes: be clear, be concise and ask with respect. If she declines, gracefully move on — she might get in touch with you later on. If she accepts, you need to have a plan ready.
What’s a good first date for a younger woman?
Once you have asked her out and she has accepted, it’s time to ponder where you should take her out to make the first impression a great impression. The first time you go out together will make or break the relationship. Worry not, because you have the advantage.
Since you are the older – more experienced – man, you are “in charge” of the relationship. You will take the lead. You will choose when and where the date is going to be. Remember to play your strengths. This isn’t a young man’s game anymore, it’s your game. Forget about bars, clubbing or cheap stuff like a movie and popcorn.
Do it right: make her understand the difference between you, an older man, and the young boys she’s used to. Take her out for dinner to a fancy place, perhaps to a restaurant she has never been to before. If you know about an interesting place that’ll swoop her off her feet, take her there. Play it smart.
Make sure you have a great conversation, be a good talker and even a better listener — provide her with enough insight to let her know you have plenty of experience without saying it outright. Make use of forgotten yet classic moves: open doors, pull out her chair, help her with her coat.
All you have to do is play your strengths and you’ll do great. Don’t try to portray a younger man, something you are not. You are an older man taking a younger woman on a date, make sure you are both on the same page.
Do relationships work despite the age difference?
A romantic relationship featuring an age gap can work — but they need work. You should always keep in mind a big enough age difference can make it seem like you two are from different worlds. You probably grew up in a different era: political and cultural wise.
She will probably love movies and musicians you never even heard of, or know about remotely. The way you speak and the things you enjoy might be completely different, even foreign at times.
You will be older than her friends, perhaps match her parents’ age. She might be the youngest person you know. Any of these things could make or break the relationship.
They are also the things that can make a relationship as strong as it could’ve ever been. If you two are different enough, you are interesting enough to learn from each other. You can teach her about classic movies, she can tell you which latest film is a great option for a movie night for both of you to enjoy.
The issues surrounding a relationship with a younger woman are not serious, as long as you know how to face them right.
What are the common relationship issues that come with age disparity?
Family issues: Her parents may not be as happy with your age and your children might be around her age as well. This will harvest unnecessary (and sometimes harmful) comments about your relationship with a younger woman. They usually fade out after you are past a certain point in your relationship.
Children issues: If you already have children and she doesn’t, this might prove troublesome if she wants another kid but you can’t stand another sleepless night because of a baby. You should talk about your plans before the relationship gets serious.
Money issues: If you have worked hard throughout your life, you will probably have more money than a younger woman. This might not look like a problem at first. Eventually, money differences will harvest resentment if not treated carefully. Try to share experiences as best as you can, and do not make money a bigger issue than it should be.
Priorities issues: If you are old enough, you might be thinking about retirement — even if it’s far away. A younger woman might not even know what a 401(k) is (be sure to read our recent article – How To Not Outlive Your Retirement [Saving For Retirement Beyond Your 401K] in it you’ll find some great advice that you can use to build up your financial assets).
You need to make sure you are both going towards the same place, both on a professional and a personal level.
Blaming it all on the age difference: If you face any of these problems (or anything else) you need to treat it for what it is. More often than not, relationships with age disparities are quick to blame it all on age. When you allow yourself and your partner to do that, you are slowly killing the relationship, as its problems are mounting on each other because you avoid facing them.
How can you make this type of relationship work?
As long as you are willing to work together, there should be no problem. Even if you have an age gap between each other, your relationship with a younger woman is no different than any other relationship you had before. There are little differences and workarounds you will learn as you progress on your relationship — but they aren’t big enough to be a major concern.
When it comes to you and your role as an older man, you should avoid playing it young. Recognize you are older: don’t pity yourself because of it, think of it as a strength you have — an advantage over younger men. Be a leader, a strong man, a pillar.
Understand you will have certain weaknesses (you won’t have as much energy as your younger counterpart) but work towards fixing them (join a gym, get back on the treadmill — it’ll help you in the long run as well.)
When it comes to external factors (i.e. family matters), you will have to develop a strong bond with your partner to avoid being bothered by people talking behind your back (or in front of you). As long as you are there for each other, it doesn’t matter what everyone else is saying.
Let’s get real: can an older man love a younger woman?
This is a complicated question. First of all, let’s get any uncertainty out of the way: Of course, an older man can love a younger woman. There are no doubts about that. And a younger woman can love an older man. But you should always make sure it’s love you are feeling, not physical attraction.
If you are certain you are in love with a younger woman, there is no reason to doubt that — no matter what anyone else says.