It’s one of the most aggravating things that guys have to deal with when dating women and that’s flakey women… women who are a no show for dates that they agree to go on. Most of the time they will call or text last minute and give you some lame excuse about how their dog was constipated and so they can’t meet you, and worse some won’t even contact you at and instead just not show up.
And then there are the ones who you have been dating for a few weeks that will suddenly stand you up last minute. These can hurt the worst and cause the most aggravation because you have already put in time and effort and you thought things were going in the right direction and then all of a sudden she cancels your date last-minute.
How you handle the situation will depend on if it’s a first dates flake or a woman you’ve already been dating because each requires a slightly different approach. Let’s look at the first date flake first.
What To do If She Flakes on a First Date
You meet a woman and things seem to be going well. You’ve met, you got her number and you’ve talked and texted back and forth a few times and you’ve set up a date. You get ready and go to pick her up or to meet her at the agreed-upon date location and she is a no show.
No text, no call to tell you what happen last minute, no excuse, no nothing at all. This is one of the most disrespectful things that a woman can do to a guy (besides cheating) it shows that she has no respect for you at all and also shows her lack of character.
Very few things could happen that would warrant her standing you up like this… maybe, a car crash heading to the date location, maybe a sudden medical emergency where she has to be rushed in for medical care… other that than there isn’t any legitimate excuse she can give you for why she flaked last-minute and couldn’t even call or text to let you know.
Now, most guys would either call her up and tell her what a bitch she or beg for another date. You should do neither.
In this situation, you shouldn’t do anything… nothing. Don’t call her, don’t text her, don’t do anything! Let it go and move one. Don’t give her the validation of knowing she upset you or that you were disappointed that she didn’t show up.
If you don’t contact her she will be wondering, whether or not you might have stood her up too and will probably contact you in a few days with some lame excuse. Ignore her. She doesn’t deserve a response. Move on with your life. If she keeps trying to contact you block her number.
She isn’t worth the effort and most likely would stand you up again if you accepted her excuse and set up a second date. Don’t give her the satisfaction. There are far too many other women out there for you who will show you more respect… don’t give women who flake on dates like that another chance.
If She Flakes on a First Date (but gives an excuse)
Another situation is when she flakes last-minute but calls or texts you with an excuse. This could be some lame excuse like someone showed up at her house as she was heading out her door to go meet you, or was called into work or something. Or, she might give you a legitimate excuse of some type… the excuse/reason doesn’t matter all that much your response is the same.
When she contacts you to tell you why she can’t make it don’t act mad, hurt or aggravated.
Simply say something like “Okay, I can understand that. Things happen. No big deal. You have my number… contact me when you get it all worked out and you want to talk”. And then you never contact her again.
If and when she contacts you again you should be nice and ask her when would she is able to meet you somewhere to talk. If she won’t set a time and date to meet then tell her you to have some stuff to do and get off the phone and don’t talk to her again.
She is playing games and seeking validation (that you want her) while never giving you anything. Cut the conversation off. Don’t talk to her anymore. Block her number if she keeps contacting you.
Do the same thing is she sets a time and date to meet and flakes again. Don’t get pissed and contact her to tell her what a bitch she or whatever. She doesn’t care that you’re pissed if she did then she would have shown up. By you showing her that you’re mad and all butt-hurt you’re giving her more validation and an ego boost.
The best move is to do nothing. Don’t call her, don’t text her. Don’t do anything but move on with your life. She isn’t worth you getting upset and raising your blood pressure. You can do better and you deserve better.
If You’ve Been Dating For Awhile and She Flakes on a Date
Okay, another situation is one where you’ve been seeing her for a few weeks and things seemed to be going good and you’re starting to get attached and you’re thinking that she could be “the one” you set up a nice romantic date for the two of you and she cancels last minute.
Now, what you do here will depend a lot on the situation. If she contacts you at the last minute and has a legitimate excuse like for example… her car broke down or there was a medical issue of her own or of a close family member for example then you would offer your help.
Ask if there is anything that you can do? And do it if she needs you and you can help. After all, you have been seeing her for a few weeks or maybe months and it’s not like it’s the first date with her and she does have a legitimate excuse. The important thing here is to not act mad or disappointed.
However, if she offers you some lame excuse like her friend started her period and she is going to spend some time with her for emotional support or some other bullcrap. Then you should still stay calm and don’t show her you’re mad or anything.
You should simply say, something like “okay, that’s cool. Take care of your friend, (or whatever is an appropriate response to her excuse) contact me when you get it all worked out.” And then as before you never contact her again. Let her contact you if she wants but after this, you should never contact her first.
When she contacts you again (and she probably will) you should invite her to your house, don’t set up any dates or spend any more money on her until she makes up for flaking on your previous date. You don’t want to be making reservations, getting tickets or making other plans when she might not show and or offer you some lame last-minute excuse as to why she can’t make it.
Don’t go out of your way… make her come to you… make her come to your house and tell her to pick up some food on her way…
Why Women Stand Guys Up… A Few Reasons
At this point, you’re probably asking why a woman you’re been dating for several weeks or months stand you up for a date and offer you some lame excuse… and that’s a good question and one that has several answers…
The most common reason is that she is losing interest in you. Perhaps, you’ve been pushing towards a relationship and things are going fast for her and she is having second thoughts and pulling back. In this situation, the BEST thing that you can do is to pull-back also.
Remember, when she starts to pull-back from you… you should pull-back from her also and let her come to you. Do not chase!
Or perhaps, you have been being too clingy and acting all in love and like a beta male. You’re constantly, calling, texting, or in her face and she feels smothered needs some time away from you. Sure in a perfect world she would just tell you that instead of making up lame excuses but most won’t.
Another reason is that she may have found someone else and is trying to piss you off by flaking… she wants to make you made enough that you will break up with her so she can go be with this other guy. Unfortunately, there isn’t a sure way to know at this point so your actions should be that same as what I told you above.
Another reason that she might do stand you up with a lame excuse might me that she is testing you. She is testing you to see if you’re going to get all pissed and act like a screaming cursing lunatic.
Women have to be careful because there is always the possibility that a guy could be a violent lunatic and they will sometimes test you. If you fail the test by acting like a crazy person then you’re done. Most women don’t want to be in a controlling, abusive relationship and this is one of the early tests women will commonly do to see your reaction.
(The book Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction by Christopher Canwell is THE BEST available to help you get what you want from a relationship and dating in general).
Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction on Amazon.com
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What if you like her so much that you want you guys to be together?
M.D. Creekmore says
She already disrespected you by standing you up and showed that she isn’t reliable. But if you still want here you will get no where by chasing her. Go no contact.
Just literally happened to me, I was talking to a girl I was interested in, being that we’ve been friends for a while just lived in separate states. She had a birthday recently and invited me out to see her and have fun the following weekend to celebrate, so I flew from Chicago to NYC to follow through with some plans we made over the few weeks leading up to it, it was a Thur-Sat trip.
We went on the first date that Thursday night and things seemed to have been really great and we were having fun, which led me to look forward to the next night of plans, but she text me that morning saying that she doesn’t find interest in me and just wants to be “friends” but would rather spend the weekend with her family. It wasn’t the fact that she lost interest, that happens, but to cancel the remainder of our plans and leaving me hanging 800 miles from home was what made me lose respect for her, especially since it was my only reason for coming to town at all. Needless to say, we’re never speaking again, I’ll never have my time wasted and disrespected like that again.