Why Does the Dumper Contact the Dumpee? (Top 10 Reasons)

M.D. CreekmoreRelationships and Dating

Why Does the Dumper Contact the Dumpee
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Why Does the Dumper Contact the Dumpee

Going through a break-up is rarely an easy time, but it can be made a whole lot worse if your ex-girlfriend keeps trying to contact you; it will more often than not make the break-up more difficult for you in the long run, but there are several reasons why this might be happening.

If you are in a situation like this one, then you will want to read on, as we have compiled a list of ten reasons why your ex-girlfriend is making contact with you after she has dumped you, in order for you to better understand what is going on.

1. A Guilty Conscience

Regardless of the reasons your ex has given you about the break-up unless you absolutely did something drastically wrong, she may be feeling guilty at how she behaved leading up to the dumping. Did she call off the relationship for reasons that she hasn’t actually told you about?

Maybe she cheated on you, perhaps she thought she could do better, or maybe she dumped you via text/email or by some other impersonal way; anything is possible, and reaching out to you to apologize or to be nice, might be a way for her to clear her own guilt.

2. Genuine Contact to Tie-Up Loose Ends

If you have been in the relationship long term, it is possible that at the moment of being dumped, you shared living arrangements with your ex, and therefore bills, other joint expenses or furniture; it is normal that your ex-girlfriend will want to get in contact relating to these issues, and if this is the only topic they talk about during the conversations, then it is safe to say that they are behaving as though the ending of your relationship is permanent and they just genuinely want to organize money and collect or send any belongings.

3. Boredom

It’s harsh but true that we all make silly decisions when we are bored, including such things as wasting away far too many hours watching mindless television shows, eating despite the fact we are not hungry and texting our ex; it often falls into the category of a “harmless” way to pass away a few hours when we have nothing better to do.

If your ex-girlfriend is reaching out to you because of boredom she might be upfront about it and state from the beginning something along the lines of “I’m bored, what are you doing?”.

Remember that now she is single, there is a massive gap in her personal time, she won’t have automatically filled all those hours you guys spent together with new people or old friends, so there will be plenty of time that she is sitting at home alone, realizing how much free time she has now, which is often too much free time.

4. Loneliness

This one can relate to the issue of boredom but perhaps a little deeper. Boredom will pass is a few hours, we can easily find something or someone to entertain us, but loneliness is a deep feeling that doesn’t just go away because you spent a couple of hours at the shopping mall; loneliness is a void that everyone wants to fill in order to feel happy.

After a relationship ends, you go from spending most of your spare time with your partner, to literally nothing, and if you don’t have a big social group, you can end up spending the majority of evenings and weekends alone, too. Over time that void grows and grows, until bam, you receive a message from your ex-girlfriend asking if you want to meet up.

5.  A Booty Call

This one is fairly straight forward, they want to sleep with you again, and maybe again, and maybe again. You see, women are less likely to move on to a new sexual partner as fast as a man is, there is no shame in this, women are just wired a little differently, and take longer to separate their feelings from the sex they had with you. But women still want to have sex.

So how do you have sex with a guy if you are not emotionally ready to sleep with someone new?

Well, you go back to the old guy. You are like a safe space, if you will, she knows you emotionally, she feels like she can be herself during sex with you, and it is much easier to be with who you know, than a stranger from the club, even if she doesn’t want to date you, she still might want to have sex with you.

6. She Misses the Friendship

In a good relationship, you partner becomes your best friend, of course, when people ask who your best friend is, you will probably say one of your friends from school or work, and they may well be your best friend, but your girlfriend will still actually be your best friend; it’s a deeper kind of friendship that you can’t experience with your guy friends, and it is a friendship that really changes our lives.

Unfortunately, this means when a couple breaks up, not only do they each lose their romantic partner, they each lose a friend as well, and that is hard to deal with.

Being dumped doesn’t automatically mean that your ex hates you now, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t still love you even, and it certainly doesn’t mean that she isn’t going to miss you every day. No doubt, you guys had a lot of great times together during your relationship, and sometimes it is hard to let go of the company you provided, and the strong friendship you built.

7. She is Checking Up on You

This one is sneaky, and there are many different ways she might approach you or things she might say to you, in order for her to check up on you without making it obvious that she is checking up on you; in spite of the fact that she dumped you, she will most likely still want to know if you have moved on, how quickly you moved on, and if you have moved on then who have you moved on with.

The aftermath of a break-up can sometimes turn into a little bit of competition (at least for the ladies) of who can get over it the fastest, and believe it or not, it is important for her to know what stage of moving on you are currently going through. It may not matter to you, but it is possible that your ex just needs to know what you are currently doing in your dating life.

8. For Emotional Closure

When a couple breaks up, people frequently assume that the person who did the dumping is bad, and the person who was dumped is the victim. But this is rarely the case. People don’t generally dump their partner for no reason, it could be because of a build-up of things going wrong, or one big event that triggers the break-up; however, let’s say in this scenario that you have been dumped because of your actions, whatever they may have been, well then your ex-girlfriend wants to tell you how she feels.

This could seem pointless, especially since she probably already did this just prior to the dumping, but now she has had time to think about it, and has finally come up with everything she wants and or needs to say to you, about how she feels about the situation for her to get emotional closure, if she feels like she has this closure, she will find it easier to move on from your relationship.

9. Playing Games

This one is not nice, and hopefully, you are never contacted by an ex who has ill intentions. But it is viable that she is contacting you to mess with you emotionally; whether she dumped you because of your actions, or because of her own, if she harbors any anger or resentment, she might express this by wanting to make you suffer, to play on your feelings and pop up anytime you are just starting to get over her. She wants to feel like she has control over you, and will not allow you to move on until she is ready to let you.

10. Testing the Waters

Not all break-ups are a disaster, there are a thousand ways a relationship doesn’t work out for seemingly simple reasons, it doesn’t always have to be a big fight or emotional drama, sometimes it just ends, and you think it is for the best, but maybe it’s not.

Maybe your ex-girlfriend has taken the time to assess your relationship while you have been apart and thinks a mistake has been made. Contacting you could be the first step to figuring out if you are on the same page, and are also open to the idea of trying again.

In today’s world which seems to have an endless amount of ways for people to stay in contact, it feels like it is easier than ever for your ex to suddenly pop back up into your life, even if you are doing your best to avoid it; but however it happens, it is important to think deeply about the reason or reasons why your ex-girlfriend might be contacting you, so you can save yourself any unnecessary emotional stress.

M.D. Creekmore